The Peacock’s Pantry: Everyone Just Calm Down! (Richmond, VA)

I wish I were cool. I wasn’t in High School. There, I had the impressive ability to go unnoticed by both students and faculty. I used to think if I made funny jokes or something, my fellow students would like me. One time I had a genuine opportunity to get in with the cool people. Right when it was my turn to talk, I was about to say something really clever when I sneezed while I was talking, causing me to make a loud shouting noise. And that was it for me, this caused me to be know as the weird guy who randomly shouts things in class. Obviously, I don’t have the natural coolness. In fact, it seems like all the coolest people seem like they aren’t trying to be cool at all. That’s totally unfair as far as I’m concerned. The best way for someone or something to be cool, is to try to look like you aren’t trying. With that said, The Peacock’s Pantry in Richmond is, by my understanding, not cool.

On Main Street, there is a particular corner in which I believe I have seen like thirty different restaurants in the past few years. To the best of my recollection, I have never been to any of these places when they existed. I don’t know what it is about this location that makes it such a deadzone, but apparently that building is cursed. I didn’t know Peacocks Pantry was there until I saw it on Open Table. When we arrived there, I was in the midst of delivering a humorous zinger to the others in my party as I opened the door. Standing blocking the doorway, was a man dressed like a funeral director. He was dressed in a double breasted dark grey suit, with pocket square included. I assume this guy was the manager or owner. He shook my hand in the doorway, and greeted me from about five inches from my face. Clearly this guy was eager as shit to have someone in the place. He walked us to the table and excitedly told us about the menu. He then brought over a waiter and introduced us. His name was Brian. Brian was just as eager as the other guy. He also told us about the menu and took our drink orders. Grey suit then returned to explain the different sections of the menu, all of which were clearly labeled on the menu itself. They then stared at us from a distance as we looked over our options.

The menu selection was decent with three sections: salads, small plates, and entrees. These included salmon, crab cakes, chicken, and more than one lamb dish. I wasn’t really that hungry, so I ordered a salad and small plate. The salad was an iceberg lettuce and blue cheese dressing set up. It was good, everything fresh. In fact, I could tell the dressing was house made, and was actually really nice. My small plate was a lamb and pita platter. This too was tasty, nicely cooked lamb, nice and juicy. The yogurt sauce that accompanied was also great, and tasted fresh. My dessert was some berry crumble thing with ice cream on top. The ice cream was provided by Gelati Celeste, and the crumble was sweet and flavorful.

Overall, the meal was great. Not too pricey, perfect relaxing evening meal. Unfortunately, my evening wasn’t too relaxing. With the owner and waiter, I was asked how my meal was six times. That was pretty annoying. Once or twice is cool, but it almost seemed as if they were surprised I said yes each time. Also, there were decor issues. The inside was painted this deep blue teal color, and there were peacock feathers and blue lights everywhere. Then there was the tableware. You know those giant decorative plates they have for people’s dining room tables? They had these here, but never removed them, they just placed dishes on top of the oversized plates. This didn’t make any damn sense. I had two small plates, both of which didn’t fit on the big dish. So for my meal, I had to eat on one dish, then have the other teeter off to the side awkwardly. Even during dessert, they placed the crumble and my coffee both on this giant dish. The whole set up inside felt like someone was given money and told to go nuts in Ikea. Its a small place to begin with and the shit they stuffed inside made it seem even smaller.

The Peacock’s Pantry is a new place, and it clearly has the new place jitters. The owner is really overeager, and has clearly told the staff to be excessively nice. I understand his desire to succeed, especially since he’s located in the deadzone, but they just need to calm the hell down. Back up a few steps, put away some of those dishes, take down some stuff off the wall. The food is good, maybe it could even be great. In order for Peacock’s to succeed though, they have to be cool, and the coolest are the ones that look like they aren’t trying so hard.

Btw, no pics . I’ll try again though, so stay tuned