È by Jose Andres: Take Me Jesus! (Las Vegas, NV)

I think I’m ready to die now. Oh crap, that sounded harsh. Wait, don’t go! Let me explain. A few months ago I got some tickets in the mail. They weren’t concert ticket or show tickets. No, these were golden tickets. My golden tickets were not like Charlie’s and his freeloading grandfather Joe (whom was unable to get out of bed to help his starving family until a chance at free candy enticed him out of sleeping all day). They did not go to a factory. No, my golden tickets were to a restaurant. Yes, I received restaurant tickets. These golden tickets were the result of what felt like a job application, with numerous confirmation emails back and forth to secure a seat. Three nights a week, È invites eight people for an eatin’ experience not to be matched. Master chefs create amazing innovative dishes right in front of you, while you’re encouraged to take pictures and ask questions. When I finally got my seat at a “showing”, as they call it, the result can best be described as my tastebuds going on a euphoric acid trip. I didnt have a meal at È, I had an experience.

Everything about the set up of È is made to enhance your experience. The place is located in the back of a restaurant in The Cosmopolitan Hotel in Vegas. This hotel is probably my favorite, clean and ritzy without starting to look cheesy (like caesars). An upper floor of the hotel is dedicated to restaurants, this is where Jaleo sits. Jaleo is a Spanish fusion joint owned by Jose Andres. If you watch food network or travel channel, you’ve probably seen him, he’s really happy and excited all the time and loves joking around. His playfulness was clear from the design of Jaleo, with a white, black, and red color scheme with little accent elements like a front gate with words scribbled on and a floor with little shrimps on it. È is through a tiny back door of Jaleo. When we first arrived, we were well greeted by the hostess and introduced to Patrick and Alphius, who were sort of in charge of running È. As you would assume, they were both extremely courteous, and presented us with an iPad to make our drink selections. I didn’t plan on getting booze, I wanted to focus on the food, but they said it would be a minute to set up, so I ordered a “Jaleo Bramble”. This was a mix of wine, vodka, cucumber water and berry purée. Delicious. While drinking that, I saw a drink that was a combination of beer and rosemary lemonade. This was fantastically refreshing. I remarked that I will be adding rosemary lemonade to all my beverages as we were ushered into the back room.

This smaller room was about 12 feet square, with the walls covered in small cabinet doors that looked like those old library card drawers (we were told these represented Jose’s recipes). In the middle of the room was a half circle table with one side where we sit and the flat side where a chef was standing. He greeted us as we arrived and told us that we will be described what the dishes are as they are served. Meanwhile, Patrick and Alphius snuck about behind us refilling my lemonade booze and clearing plates. The chef in the middle then knocked on a side door, and out came three more chefs, all who were to prepare the meal in front of us.

The meal that followed was unbelievable. Most of these ingredients are things I’ve eaten before, but never like this. The tastes were that of sensations my tastebuds had never experienced before. Some of these dishes seemed simple enough, like a mushroom soup. The flavor however, was so tasty, it made me feel like I’ve been cheated by every mushroom dish I’ve had previously. Eating these dishes with common ingredients felt like finding out your next door neighbor is a rock star. You think, “really? That guy? I see that guy every day, I had no idea he was so awesome”.

Of course, some of the dishes featured things I had never once heard of, but I approvingly shook my head when it was presented to me. I didn’t want to look out of my depths, although I certainly felt that way. The people seated with Chicken Pot Hen and I looked like total big shots. All the guys looked like business men, and the ladies looked exceptionally classy. The lady next to me was clearly rich, she was using a Leica camera, and taking horrible photos. I was of course wearing my wu tang clan t-shirt, but classed it up with a blazer (Alphius later said it was the best clothing choice ever seen at È). I didn’t talk to anyone else there, but they struck me as moneybags who just wanted something fun to do for the evening. I assure you no one took this eating as seriously as me and Chicken Hen. In fact, it was probably the most pleased I’ve ever seen Hen, which does not bode well for ol’ Chicken Spy.

Here’s the gut punch, the set meal costs $125 a person, not including booze, which is pricey too. Is that a lot? Sure it is. But the way I see it, I am a fan of food. These chefs and these restaurants are like sports stars and their stadiums. I spend $125 for dinner, I’m crazy; someone pays $125 for a ticket to watch some footyballs or shootyhoops, they are sports fans? In the case of È, not only do you get to watch the big game, but you get to chat with the players during it. È is amazing, an experience. If you know you are going to Vegas in the future, have dinner at È, it blows Circ du Solei out of the water. Its the best show in Vegas.

Sorry for my rambling. Let me get to it, and tell you each dish, with pics of course. Unless otherwise noted, they were all fucking amazing.

Gin and Tonic

Spanish “Clavel”

Beet Jewelry

Caramelized Pork Rinds

Apple “Brazo de Gitano”

Nitro Almond Cup

Crispy Chicken Skin in Escabeche

Jose Taco

Olivia Sferica Ferran Adria

Bocata de “Calamares”

Cava Sangria

Artichoke “puree” with Vanilla  *This one was the only one I didn’t like.

Lobster with Citrus and Jasmine

Chickpea Stew with Iberico Ham

Turbot with Bone Marrow

Rosemary Wild Mushrooms in Papollote

Secreto of Iberico Pork with Squid

Orange Pith Puree la Serena

Flan

Pan Con Chocolate

“Arroz Con Leche”

Fizzy Paper

25 second Bizcocho

“Air” Chocolates

RM Seafood: Who the Hell is Rick Moonen? (Las Vegas, NV)

You ever heard of Rick Moonen? I know I haven’t. Apparently he’s been on Iron Chef: America or one of those shows. I had no idea the guy existed until I stumbled upon his place in Mandalay Bay. I was planning to go to “Burger Bar”, which I heard was popular. It clearly was, as the wait for lunch was around an hour. I was too hungry and fussy to wait that long so we kept walking until we got to the end of the hall. Right before you get to Mandalay’s casino, sits RM Seafood. It looked decent from the exterior and there was no wait. Sold. What awaited inside was a refreshing surprise.

The decor was white table cloth nautical themed. This was pleasant enough and matched the seafood menu. The menu itself was divided into mostly standard seafood entrees and sushi. There was a sign that read “best place in Vegas for sushi”. I forget what that sign was quoting. I suspect nothing. But then again, why would a sign lie to a person? So we ordered a spicy salmon roll as an appetizer. It was great. The salmon tasted extremely fresh, and the roll was very well put together. They also drizzled a little honey on top, which was a tasty touch. For an entree, I tried the tuna melt first. Tuna salad and cheddar cheese melted on top of a thick slice of Brioche. Delightful. I also tried a “BBQ pork Mac and cheese”. I ordered this because it seemed like an odd option for a seafood place. When I see something that sticks out on a menu, I always am hoping that it’s because the chef was so confident of its taste that it ignored the logical selections. This was definitely the case with the BBQ Mac and cheese. Served in a small iron skillet, the gooey Mac and cheese had flakes of pork floating in it. Each bite was dripping in cheesy savory goodness. I knew with every bite I was consuming probably thousands of calories in this dish, but I didn’t care until it was gone. When my plate was cleared, I sat there feeling ashamed, knowing it would now be a struggle waddling out of my seat. For dessert, the stand out was certainly the thin mint cake. This mini cake was made to look and taste like a larger version of the famous girl scout cookie. I’m not usually a huge mint fan, but I was in this case, I gobbled it up with reckless abandon.

I still have no idea who Rick Moonen is. The closest I could think of was Rick Moranis, Tully from Ghostbusters. I don’t care who he is though, this summbitch can make a good restaurant. I never set out to hit up RM seafood, it wasn’t on my “to eat” list. But having been there, I definitely think it should be on yours.

Wing Lei: Gong…(Las Vegas, NV)

By now I’m sure it’s pretty obvious I don’t know what I’m doing here. I mean, sometimes I don’t even bring up how much a place was. This is not my laziness though, its intentional. I’m not going to sit here and itemize the cost of my meal for you. For the most part, if the shit I’m describing looks expensive, it probably is. If it looks cheap, it is. I love all foods, and all priced restaurants. The only time I’ll bring up price is if I think it’s important to know. Otherwise, it probably costs what you are guessing it does. That being said, my meal at Wing Lei in Las Vegas cost $165.

Wing Lei is in the Wynn Hotel in Vegas, which is arguably the fanciest hotel on The Strip. The Wynn’s style is like a fancy Hong Kong motif. They have festive lanterns and ribbons throughout and the place is clearly top notch. This theme extends to the Wing Lei restaurant, only here they make it look even classier. Inside looks like an imperial ballroom or something, with ornate table sets and those Chinese lion statues everywhere. When I sat down, I saw in front of me gold flatware. Finally, I thought, I’ve wanted a golden fork for years. This place will be great! The waiter we had was nice enough, although he seemed almost patronizing. This old Asian gentleman would lean over towards us and very slowly and cheerfully ask if we were ready to order and so forth. Chicken Pot Hen thought it was pleasant, but I felt like he was talking to us like we were four year olds.

The menu consisted of standard Chinese food. When I say standard, I mean it. The menu was essentially exactly what you’d find in any Chinese food place. There was spicy shrimp dishes, kung pao chicken, egg drop soup, wontons, stuff like that. The prices were a real kick in the pants, with all the entrees being like $35 dollars each. I figured, meh, maybe they’re damn good versions of these traditional dishes. We seemed to wait a really long time for our food, and the place didn’t seem all that busy. While we sat there with our cocktails (which were great actually) we had a chance to people watch. It was mostly old people, which is usual for a more moneybags place. One person in particular caught my eye. She was about 30ish years old, wearing a black cocktail dress. She was attractive I suppose, maybe like 5 out of 7 smooches (the rating system for my new blog idea where I describe and rate the general appearance of strangers). Aside from the dress, she was also wearing a tiny top hat tilted askew on her head. This confused and troubled me. Why was a tiny top hat necessary? Nothing else in her ensemble seemed to fit this. Maybe if her whole outfit was like an old timely jacket or something, but not just a dress. I sat there, thinking about what was her thought process as she confidently affixed a baby top hat with a jaunty tilt upon her head. I attributed her decision to the best tiny top hat salesman in the world as our food arrived.

We ordered a sample platter for a starter. This included potstickers, fried prawns, and this duck ginger salad. The potstickers tasted exactly like every other potsticker I have ever had. Not bad though. You ever have a potsticker? It tasted like that. Likewise, the prawns also tasted pretty ordinary. The salad was good though, the ginger dressing was, to be fair, delicious. For entrees, I tasted the “Three Pot Chicken” and the “Lemon Chicken”. Both were pretty mediocre. The three pot tasted decent, nothing much different than my local hunan taste, except maybe a little less greasy here. This dish had pieces of chicken drenched in some spicy sauce, along with peppers and scallions. The lemon chicken featured breaded chicken cutlets with lemon honey sauce to drizzle on top. Everything was well prepared, but I had something exactly like this in a Tokyo food stand one time, and that one cost about $6. This one was $35, and that’s not including rice. That’s right, a tiny bowl of rice cost an additional $5. This felt like a petty money grab to me. I know it’s a swanky place and all, and that you pay for certain levels of swank, but jeebus, to tack on extra for friggin rice seemed like a fuck you to me.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I had high expectations for this place, it was rated pretty high on all the standard review sites (yelp, urban spoon, etc.). Ultimately though, it didn’t taste much different than something I can have delivered for a tenth of the price. If you like a fancy atmosphere with normal food, Wing Lei is your place. For me, I don’t care if I eat off the hood of a car if the food tastes good enough. This place seems like more of a place to dress up and put on your wee little top hats and look fancy than eating some seriously tasty cuisine. Not my cup of green tea, this place.

Wolfgang Puck: Mass produced quality (Las Vegas, NV)

This is my first review from Vegas, but I assure you there will be others. There are a crap ton of fancy ass places to eat here. In fact, when you think about it, Vegas on paper sounds really classy; five star hotels and world class restaurants. This great image, however, ignores one key element, the people that visit. Nowhere else in the world is there a higher concentration of insufferable assholes and slow walking slack jawed gawkers. On the Vegas strip, any sense of responsibility and decorum are gone. Large roving gangs of intoxicated morons lumber about shouting there way to and from. If you aren’t impeded by them, you will instead be stopped by the families walking the minimum speed required for it not to be considered standing. Want to take your small children and baby on a vacation? Why not Las Vegas? It’s the perfect place other than EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. I recommend my strategy, which is to basically run from place to place. It’s like that game “lava” when we were kids, except instead of the floor being lava, it’s interacting with others. If you are able to effectively dodge the drunkards, you can be handsomely rewarded, as there are many good eats all around.

The Wolfgang Puck Bar and Grill is located within the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino. I would like to tell you where in the place, but I have no idea. MGM seems like the size of the neighborhood I live in. Chicken Pot Hen and I stumbled upon this place and figured “why the eff not?” I know that Wolfgang Puck nowadays has his name on practically everything, so we were a bit concerned that we may be venturing into chain restaurant territory. Still, the place looked nice, the decor was a clean white and light woods rustic look. They did a good job setting the place to look like a causal kitchen, and you could tell there was no stuffiness about the place.

The menu was pretty standard for a lunch: pizzas, salads, sandwiches, a few steaks here and there. We decided to split a “chopped vegetable salad” for starters. Featuring feta cheese, fresh made croutons, and a Greek dressing, the salad was fresh and flavorful. I was glad to see that they didn’t pound the salad with a shit load of dressing, which is definitely a salad pet peeve of mine. The salad didn’t need any extra flavor anyway, as there was plenty of different kinds of lettuce and tomatoes in every bite. Wolfgang Puck became famous for classing up the pizza, so we figured this was the way to go here. We went with a “Wood Oven Roasted Mushroom Pizza”. I’ve been on sort of a mushroom kick recently and was hoping we weren’t about to get canned toppings. Thankfully, I could smell those fresh mushrooms before they even brought it to us. When we dug in, it was what we were wishing for. The crust was crisp and the cheeses were savory. For dessert, we had a slice of banoffee pie and an apple crumble tart. The banoffee pie was good, with the chocolate, cream, and crust tasting great. It was a little on the lighter side than what I’d expect for a banoffee, they definitely whipped the shit out of the cream. I did like how the slice was accompanied by a small cup for of additional caramel sauce to drizzle on. I of course used all of it. The apple crumble was good, with those topping crispy things being extra good. Usually that crumbly stuff is made with pretty much just sugar, but this had a bit of oatmeal in the mix, which added some substance. The tart came with apple cinnamon flavored ice cream, which was good on flavor, but a little too sweet.

Wolfgang Puck Bar and Grill is a comfortable causal eatery. Being a big step up from the hoards of stinking masses outside the MGM, it gave us a relaxed and enjoyable lunch. As nice as it was, nothing on the menu was amazing, but not disappointing by any means. If you happen upon it, like we did, go for it. But I wouldn’t run through the crowd for it. Chicken Pot Hen disagrees, demanding a sixth egg be warranted. She says I’m being too hard. Sorry, Hen, that’s how I roll.