S@mple: Fl@vorless (Richmond, VA)

by thechickenpotspy

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that I lack a certain level of written elequence. Apparently calling things “tasty” over and over again is not sufficient in explaining dining experiences. Is that not enough? When you go out to eat with someone, and you ask them “how was it?”, do you really want them droning on at length about the exacting details of of the meal? I know I don’t. I say, look, just tell me if it was shitty or not. Apparently this just isn’t good enough. So, I will attempt to explain dining experiences in a more thorough and clever manner. I considered writing the following review in iambic pentameter. I decided against it however when I was able to determine that I have no idea what iambic pentameter actually is. So I will just try to make this review as smart and intelligent as absolutely possible.

S@mple think is so damn cool and shit, and that some bullshit. Wait. That wasn’t clever at all. Give me another chance. I demand another chance! Ok, you can tell I’m pretty worked up. Im worked up because there is a restaurant that uses a “@” instead of an “a”. This angers up my blood more than I can even begin to explain. I can only conceive this “@” being acceptable if this were perhaps an Internet cafe. S@mple is not an Internet cafe, or at least i dont think so. Instead, it is a small plate tapas style place. I recently rambled about “The Peacock’s Pantry”. I’m sure you read it, well over three people did (thanks mom)! I talked about how Peacock’s isn’t cool, but tasted good. S@mple is very much the opposite. This place is so effin’ cool. The food is pretty forgettable. Also, S@mple is too damn confusing. Its technically not an Internet cafe, but they do have iPads and Mac minis around the place. Their website says they also do computer use classes in the back for some reason. This isn’t a coffee shop either, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I tried to write classy, but I’m getting worked up. An attempt at a trendy eatery with bits of tech support thrown in. This reminds me of a BBQ place in Ohio that had a chapel in the back. Unlike the BBQ Church, the food does not make this confusion worth it.

This being a small plates place, I just got a few things to sample the selection. There was fried shrimp with some sauce. It was acceptable. Nothing really past that. The short rib was almost all fat. I know it’s supposed to have a little, but Jeebus. There was a mini burger combo that was decent enough, although the meat was a wee overcooked. To be fair, it wasn’t all flavorless though, the snapper and crab empanadas dishes were tasty. I mostly made the title “fl@vorless” for this post because of how deliciously clever I thought I was at mocking their pretentious name. Even so, the food was not outstanding.

With the so-so food, albeit with a few standouts, S@mple remains too confusing for me. I understand that they are going for something fairly unique with their techie/foodie mix. Call ol’ Chicken Spy old fashioned, but I’m pretty sure this place probably won’t be able to improve on the standard “come here for food” restaurant convention. Still, if I’m low on gas money and need a bite to eat and my laptop serviced, this place would be @cceptable.